I think your 19th birthday celebration went okay, didn’t you? There was no train of cars going by honking - but there were memorable moments.  

Dear friends,

The snow is falling outside and I hear a cardinal.  I’m thinking of filling my bird feeders. I have not left the house yet today.  How different the world looks to me at this moment. 

There is so much fear flying through the air right now that it is palpable.  I can feel it in my body. Fear takes the form of anxiety, irritability, physical tension and pain, just to name a few.

On My Mat 

I arrive early, of course - find my vacant spot

By the wall

Breath in - no deviation from established routine

Align my mat with lines in the hardwood

Body memories surface and fall with me

Safety and hellos

What is the felt sense of love? Connection?

You know the feeling you get right before you get emotional?  Yes, that’s it.  

My eyes are wide and energy the color of light pulses through my extremities – my spine grows an inch, and the center of my chest opens from inhaling air …

Smells of boy
rescues me
his affirmation surprises me

When he laughs at my jokes
I’m intrigued
can’t think straight
his teeth are perfect gum Chiclets
his smile
makes me want to jump
in his mouth

Driving down Main, late afternoon after work, I notice the shift in seasons. Growth erupts from decay all along Main Street.  People out walking the sidewalks wearing hoodies in place of winter parkas.  Bright colors popping out from Illinois winter gray and the Apple blossoms line the road.

Raising three sons in a culture that values empathy less and less in favor of self-absorption is a challenge.  

I’m up for it.

My grandfather passed away the early afternoon of July 1st, 2009. He was 83 years old. I was 40 and pregnant with my third son.  I spent the night with him and stayed awake singing children's church hymns because it was the only thing I could think to do.  

My mother is always wrong
I know everything
There are ghost in the basement
The tooth fairies, Saint Nick, the Easter Bunny are real
Alcohol is harmless
Growing old will never happen to me
When you die your body rises up through the ceiling
God is a white man with a beard
Smoking is cool
I am responsible for others happiness
True Love last forever…
These beliefs I have outgrown

My grandmother’s hands
People’s expressions
Behavior
The ocean, sand, shells
Worms, ladybugs
Locus, Queen Ann’s Lace
Four leaf clover, weeds,
Tadpoles, frogs

It was Super Bowl Sunday and the entire weekend my sweet child was obsessed with a toy he had seen during a grocery trip the week before.  A Lego set that had caught his eye.  No amount of distraction would calm his puppy dog energy and determination for nearly forty-eight hours.  After being in the house for a few days I decided to head out to the grocery store. 

Jace is my second born. His brain and mine are built very differently.  I am always amazed at how he can teach me to step outside of my own outer edges to an entirely different world.